Friday Ramble 01/22/21

Feeling overwhelmed? You're not alone

My wife and I were talking about all the things we have swirling around us right now -- a never ending whirlwind of work, school, parenting, and family responsibilities -- and we don’t even know where to begin. 

I’m sure that a lot of you are probably feeling the same way, or maybe that was last week and this week has been better for you. I seem to recall that we were feeling pretty good a couple of weeks ago. Honestly, who can remember at this point? 

One of the side effects of all this disorientation is that I’m having a difficult time concentrating and maintaining focus. Tasks and simple chores that should take just a few minutes seem to stretch on for eternity. I’ve been meaning to clean the kitchen since last Thursday, and I love cleaning the kitchen. (Seriously, it’s one of my hobbies.) 

As for work, the thoughts and ideas are there, I just don’t know if I can execute them. The words that came so easily a few weeks ago are now stuck somewhere just out of reach. I can see them, I know what I want to say, I just can’t articulate them with any sense of clarity. 

I’d like to think there’s a solution on the horizon, but right now everything feels far off, like the vaccine I know is coming but can’t make plans to get. My optimism about the future and my cynicism regarding the present are having an ongoing battle in my subconscious and I’m left wandering in place, going up and down the stairs forgetting why I needed to in the first place. 

It shouldn’t come as a big surprise to fellow runners that I have found the most solace in my training because it’s one of the few things I can control with any degree of certainty. It provides an emotional lift, to say nothing of the physical benefits. Keeping any kind of schedule or routine right now is worth its weight in gold, so just maintaining one feels like a major accomplishment. 

But a little voice in the back of my head is asking a big question: OK, what now? 

On the one hand, I’m happy with what I’m doing. I feel like my training has been solid and I’m making progress. I’m just not sure what I’m progressing toward. Will there be races in 2021? Does any of that even matter? What is it that I want out of running, now and in the future? 

I wish I had better answers to these questions. Frankly, I wish I had any kind of answer to those questions. The rational side of my brain is telling me that it’s alright, keep doing what you're doing, maintain your equilibrium as much as possible. The other side is telling me to push myself and get out of the rut before I wind up in the ditch. Honestly, both sides have a point. 

In normal times, whatever those are, this internal conversation would be par for the course. There’s always a natural push-and-pull between laying back and surging forward with the status quo balanced somewhere in the middle. Right now, it just feels overwhelming. 

I don’t have any big conclusions to draw from that, but it feels like something I should acknowledge. It’s good to know, at least, that I’m not alone. 

A few thoughts on meditation 

I mentioned my meditation practice in Tuesday’s post and wanted to expound on it a little more here. I’m reluctant to talk about meditation too much because I’m hardly an expert. I’ve only been practicing for a few years, and I’ve let it slip from time to time. Still, it’s become an integral part of my daily life and I’m happy to share my experiences if it helps anyone. 

A lot of people have asked me about getting started with meditation and my answer is that you just have to start meditating. Find a quiet space, sit with your back straight, close your eyes, and breathe. Easy, right? Well, no. It took me years to work up the nerve to start my own practice and it was months before I felt like I was doing anything but sitting in a dark room breathing awkwardly. 

The big push I needed came from Jaylen Brown, the young forward with the Boston Celtics. I spoke with Jaylen about his practice for a piece I did for SB Nation a few years ago. One quote in particular stuck with me. “Just breathe and control what you control,” he says. “It’s simple.”

In a sense, it really is that simple. Meditation is breathing and breathing is meditation. The rest is just details. To be fair, there are a lot of details. With so many techniques and disciplines, it’s important to find something that speaks to you and makes sense in your world. 

For Jaylen, it was a Japanese breathing technique like a dragon breathing fire. For me, it’s the cool sensation of Zen Buddhist detachment. Whatever works. Make no mistake: starting a meditation practice is hard. It requires discipline and accountability, as well as a willingness to be really, really bad at it.  

At first, meditation seems ridiculous. There’s all this stuff to remember and it’s uncomfortable to sit in one position -- with good posture! -- for more than a few minutes. You fidget and you fight it and you wonder what you’re doing, while at the same time wonder why it’s not working. 

And then something happens and you connect to your breath for a few beats. Your mind starts to slow down ever so slightly and you’re like, “A-HA! I got it.” And then it disappears and you’re like, “Wait, where did it go? Arrrggggh.”  

The good news is that just having the intention to start a meditation practice is the most important step. That doesn’t change, no matter if you’re just beginning or doing 30 minutes in the lotus position with a stick of incense burning in front of a Buddhist shrine.

I’m somewhere in between, putting my cushion down wherever I can find space, making an effort to stay with it, while at the same time learning how to let go.  

More recovery tools: compression

I knew I forgot something in my post about recovery: compression socks. Good lord, do I love wearing compression socks. I wear them after runs or on long car trips or plane rides. I wear them with shorts during the summer -- my wife calls this my pirate look -- and I wear them when I sleep.  

If you’ve ever looked into whether compression gear actually works, you already know that it depends! In theory, compression reduces muscle damage and inflammation, but the real benefit appears to be that it makes you feel like it reduces muscle damage and inflammation. 

So much of what we think about recovery comes back to a placebo effect that I’m inclined to believe strongly in its powers. Compression socks make me feel good and that’s good enough for me. 

How about you guys: How are you feeling these days, any good self-care remedies that you use?