Proving Myself
A race that showed I belong
The rain started around Mile 18. Up to that point we had been surrounded by a classic Bay Area August fog; dewey and dark, but not all that unpleasant. The rain was another story. Along with a nasty swirling wind, the conditions changed from somewhat decent running weather to unseasonably raw and cold in an instant.
A check of the watch revealed I was 3 and a half hours into the Tamalpa Headlands 50K. Not a poor performance by any objective standard, but a good 20-30 minutes off what Avery had written into my race plan. It didn’t look like things were going to turn around either. My splits were getting slower and the rain wasn’t going to help.
This was supposed to be the section where I showed off my climbing skills. All those hours on the treadmill hammering that 10 percent grade incline would finally yield fruit. The problem was the climb wasn’t 10 percent, it was between 15 and 20 percent. Unrunnable for most and certainly for me at that point in the race.
With 1,300 feet of elevation gain over three miles into a rainy headwind staring me right in the face, I decided to keep it moving. No time to feel sorry for myself or think about how I could have done things differently in training. Honestly, I wasn’t even all that upset. I mean, they don’t call it Cardiac Hill because it’s easy. Soaked and sore, absolutely. But broken? Absolutely not.
This was my 10th ultramarathon. Some I’ve run for competitive purposes. Others, simply to survive. The Headlands 50K was a race to experience. My only purpose was to exist within its space for as long as it took to finish the race. Just over 6 and a half hours, as it turned out. Not bad. Solid. Respectable. Beast Coast Represent.
Had I run the 5:33 that Avery suggested I could run, I would have cracked the top 50 and competed for a podium spot in my age group. Just knowing that an outcome like that might have been possible was validating to me as a runner. Doing what I did and feeling good about my race was validating to me as a human being. At this stage of my life, I’ll take the latter outcome every time.
