The purifying glow of ultra marathons
Let the spirit wash over you
Upon completion of an ultra marathon, or any like-minded endurance activity, there’s a tremendous desire to bask in the afterglow. As a newly minted 10-time ultra vet, allow me to dispense some hard earned wisdom to those who may find themselves in this space now or in the future: DO IT.
Do it for as long as you can. Let the intoxicating river of achievement and pride wash over you for as long as the waters will flow. Stuff like this doesn’t happen every day. If it was easy, anyone could do it. The fact that not everyone does should tell you something about what you just accomplished.
To complete something as arduous as an ultra requires months – if not years – of planning and sacrifice. Not just in terms of training. That’s a given. If you’ve made it this far, chances are your running rituals are so emblazoned in your brain that the concept of sacrifice no longer enters your mind when it comes to the exercise part of the equation.
It’s the rest of the world that requires a renewed sense of resilience. As we get older, life offers an ever evolving array of choices ranging from sleep to nutrition and all points between that play a vital role in our ability to get up and get after it on a daily basis. Just like developing a running routine, what begins as a sacrifice eventually becomes a habit.
All those miles and all those choices help get you to the starting line. That alone is worthy of celebration (as well as gratitude.) Whatever goes down on race day, it's important to keep the larger picture in mind. Remember where you started and take a moment to recognize how far you’ve come. Regardless of the outcome, you’re doing great.
In the course of competition, however, some other force guides our journey. Training may provide the foundation, but there’s an inner fire that carries us through the toughest moments. It’s a flame that pushes us along a punishingly steep grade and sustains us during a treacherous descent, telling us that everything’s gonna be alright.
Even now, several weeks later, I get chills thinking about how I powered through climbs with heavy legs in a foggy mist with no one else around but my own conscience. And those fast declines where I literally threw caution to the wind and let gravity do its thing in the face of 25 mph gusts? There’s no doubt that some internal light kept me safe from harm.
Anyone who’s ever felt the burn of competition knows the flame is real, even if no one really knows its origin. That’s why there are countless methods to stoke its embers. Some say you need to run fast and others say you should run slow. If they’re worth their salt they’ll tell you it requires a combination of both. If someone really knows what they’re doing, they can help build your fitness like stacking wood for a bonfire.
What else is fitness for but to burn as fuel? When we allow ourselves the freedom to compete, we have no choice but to light the match and see for ourselves. Sure, there’s a chance that we may burn down everything in sight. There’s also a chance that we might unlock some new insight about ourselves.
When we straddle that line between courage and bravado all the way across the finish line, one can’t help but be moved by the experience. There was the runner you were before the event and the person you become afterward. Whether you reach the podium or come in 108th has no real bearing on how an ultra can affect you.
Endurance events have a way of clarifying intent and providing purpose. They are purifying in that way, washing away the flickering embers of doubt and uncertainty and replacing them with a spirit that’s been reborn from the fire of experience. Along with the cool t-shirt and fancy medal, ultras offer the opportunity to move the needle of personal progress a few ticks in the right direction.
Now, here comes the hard part: What do you want to do with this newfound knowledge? I’m asking myself as much as I’m asking all of you because the unraveling is just as important as the flashes of insight. Perhaps now would be a good time to ask everyone if they’ve ever felt fundamentally moved by a race experience.
I've been away from here for a bit and I'm enjoying catching up. This is also perfect timing to read as I just finished my 2nd 50k of my life and also this year at Kodiak in Big Bear Lake, CA. Even before reading this piece, I was thinking a lot about how something as frivolous as these races can really make me feel things and change my perception of myself. Apologies for the rambling training/racing report ahead, but where else am I going to write this stuff??
For this race in particular, my training was interesting to say the least and I was not feeling super confident going in. I got married this summer and moved multiple times. I also spent the bulk of my training block in Southern California with a work schedule that allows for running mainly between 2 and 5 pm, because I work early and cook dinner after. This meant multiple heatwaves of 100+ temps at that time. I was so used to it that I had a daily routine of wetting my hat and shirt then putting them in the freezer 20 min prior to running. I would slog at paces 1-2 min/mile slower than preferred and constantly dump water to cool. I only even contemplated speed workouts when temperatures dropped to avoid overheating after 1 interval. On top of that, Big Bear Lake was threatened by a huge fire and the race was very much in the balance with an active fire and large National Forest Closures. Until the week before the race, I had a strong assumption that it was going to be canceled but they were able to move the race to the other side of the lake.
All that being said, I was not confident in my training and at times wondering if I even wanted to do this race. By race morning, I was pretty psyched to be there but definitely nervous about what I had in me for a 50k at 7,000 feet as a relative newbie on less than ideal training. I took the beginning out pretty cautious and watched a ton of people bust out ahead of me. I definitely had to swallow some pride, because although I'm not out there trying to win the race I definitely thought that if I was at my best I could be with some of those runners. After that, things went pretty smoothly and I was feeling great at the aid station at mile 13. I knew I had a steady downhill before two big, hot exposed climbs to finish so I stayed with my more cautious approach. I quickly filled up some water at the mile 19 aid station and headed to the first of the big climbs. As I started climbing, I started to realize I was dropping some people. Whenever I pass someone on an uphill I always say something like "We'll probably be going the same pace in a minute" or something like that, but in this case I just kind of kept passing people. Then came the aid station before last climb. I filled up a bottle with coke because I needed some liquid carbs to break up the gels. I started up this climb and the pattern continued. One by one, I started to make my way by people who were struggling up to the ridge. By the time I hit the Cougar crest trail that sends you downhill to the finish line (~3 miles -1000 ft), I knew it was time to leave it all out there. I just let loose what I had left, and bombed down a somewhat technical trail past day hikers and straggling runners. When I hit the pedal path to the finish line, I kicked a last little bit to catch one last runner because I was really feeling it. Conveniently this race tracks your placement at a few of the aid stations. In the end I went from 92nd at the 8.3 mile aid station to 45th at the finish.
As you say, I'm currently basking in the glow of the race and trying to unpack how it made me feel. For me, I think I consistently underrate my own abilities as many of us do. I was so focused on all of the things I was unable to do in training, but I missed how much really good preparation I did put in. My fueling was absolutely dialed compared to my first ultra. I was able to get in 80g carbs/hour throughout the race despite being at 7-8k feet above sea level. This made such an incredible difference in endurance and I have definitely noticed it in recovery as well. I also had a much better sense of pacing just from more long runs and one ultra under my belt. I think the second take away was how impactful really challenging and competitive things can be. Once I was out there, I really let go of everything else in my mind and pushed myself. There was no judgement or second guessing, I was totally locked in on doing something to the best of my ability. That is something I really want to bring to other aspects of life. The cherry on top of that is the silly competition. Does 55th or 50th or 45th place matter at all? No, definitely not. BUT let me tell you it is really fun to have the runner in front of you look back and then turn on the jets to try and hang on. A totally meaningless sprint finish but we were both cracking up after I passed him and then gave him a fist bump at the finish line.
Okay, I wrote way too much but your post got the gears turning. Thanks always for the thoughtful and thought provoking meditations on this stupid fun sport.