Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Joe's avatar

I have struggled with all four of the concepts(?) you wrote about, Paul. In fact, I've spent most of my life being some combination of fat, lazy, underslept and aloof. I am usually at least two of those under the best of circumstances, often three. I spent a period of time being all four in my mid-20s and it was the only time I've suffered from what I would call genuine depression (I don't say that lightly - mental health issues are not a joke). It was awful and it required a complete reboot of my personal and professional life to overcome. Addressing the "Four Pillars" has been a stop-start process for me ever since, but I am doing the best with it now than I have at any other point in the past decade.

And yet, it isn't enough. I'd argue that fulfillment could be the "Fifth Pillar." It is a nebulous concept and one that for many people may be logically folded into the Community Pillar, but I think it is different. I am of the Millenial (yuck) generation. Graduated college in August 2009 and was immediately thrust into the teeth of the Great Recession - apologies for the mixed metaphor. Millenials, like any of the previous and subsequent proper noun generations (Boomers, Zoomers, Gen-Xers, etc.), are not special - the circumstances were what they were and we all suffered during the recession in different ways (I will die before I allow myself to be tarred with the designation of "whiny millenial"). That said, starting adult life as a 21-year old with a history degree I got because I was told I needed to go to college in order to succeed and that any and all loan debt required to make that happen was just the cost of doing business, economic downturns be damned, was HARD. As a result, I have spent the last decade plus of my life trying to balance the search for fulfillment with the need for practicality (read: financial survival). I am a teacher, but it is not my calling - it's a job. I like my work and have a wonderful group of colleagues, but it isn't what I want to do. What do I want to do? No idea. I have spent my professional career to this point trying to figure that out and all I've learned about myself is what I don't want to do: customer service, sales, long commutes, corporate culture, bureaucracy, working weekends. Teaching doesn't conflict with enough of these that I've staved off a recurrence of the blues that led me to the profession almost a decade ago, but despite achieving status as a leader among my colleagues and job security in the form of a tenured position, I remain unfulfilled.

Running has been a boon recently. The anxiety/excitement before the run, the feeling of exhilaration when I find a groove mid-run, and the feeling accomplishment when its over have all been wonderful stimulators of good vibes and pleasing endorphins. But it isn't my purpose. I know a feeling of purposeless is not unique to me and it is hardly a major problem by the standards of 21st century America, but it is nevertheless my problem and one I struggle with almost every day.

So: fulfillment. The Fifth Pillar. I know the case I've made is probably silly at best and grotesquely navel-gazey at worst, but I know I am not all the way to complete despite feeling like the other Four are handled. Onward, I suppose.

I appreciate the opportunity this post provided to reflect on this and hope that there are people here who can empathize. I am rooting for all of us in 2021 and beyond. Thanks, gang.

Expand full comment
LJ Tynan's avatar

Ever since something went awry in college, sleep has been the bane of my existence. A sleep study revealed that my brain is constantly trying to wake me up because it thinks I'm not breathing (it's like apnea without the snoring). Gabapentin helps (folks with sleep issues.. talk to your doctors about it!), but I have so few nights of good, deep sleep that I'm essentially a high-functioning zombie. I get in bed with plans to wake up and go for a run, and then wake up feeling like I haven't slept in weeks, so the run gets postponed and abbreviated. I have to think my running would improve if I could get regular restful nights.

Expand full comment
35 more comments...

No posts