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Tracey's avatar

I'm going to write something that may upset people, but it is the most honest I can be. I'm anxious and afraid for the before times to return (in some form or fashion). If we're talking about life in general, I am in the most comfortable place I've ever been in my life. As someone (in the long ago days) that commuted via two buses in the morning and two buses at night, and not being a morning runner, trying to squeeze a run in each day was difficult and stressful. I found myself running home from work wearing an awkward backpack in order to get miles in.

Since March, I have been working from home and I'm able to fully get back to those days where my day revolves around when I can run. I get up early, work for about four hours, go for my run and then come home and work for another 4 hours (if I'm lucky). Its all I've ever dreamed of. No commute, run every day, work in my 'nice pajamas'.

That being said, because of those early days of dirty looks and non-runner ire, I have routine where I run in circles in a cemetery in my neighborhood. Sure, running several .75 mile loops might sound boring but it's quiet. It's dynamic with hills and flats. It's peaceful. It's my saving grace. The irony of happiness for a place for the dead is not lost on me. I like to tell myself that I'm visiting all those who no longer have loved ones visit, keeping them company and spreading joy in a joyless place.

My relationship with running started when was a teenager struggling to find something that resembled confidence and during the pandemic is morphed into something, the only thing, in this world that I have any control over. Is that sad? Maybe.

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Emmett Freedman's avatar

Really interesting to hear how your running has changed. I've also found much more space to run, and even more flexibility around when I do so. I'm still a morning runner, but don't really worry if I decide not to run one morning because I know I'll have no problem making it up that night if I want to. I used to hate leaving my run up to fate and hoping I'd get home from work in time to sneak one in.

I've now run two virtual races during COVID, both self-created. The first was a 50 mile solo trail run (wrote about it here: https://www.efwritingproject.com/race-report-mianus-river-park-50m/) and the second was a marathon in Brooklyn with the friend who pointed me to your newsletter (wrote about it here: https://www.efwritingproject.com/race-report-south-brooklyn-slog-26-09/).

The races cemented a change that has been accelerated during COVID and which you write about above: my running is bigger part of my life than ever, but it also feels more weightless than before. I don't beat myself up as much for skipping out on a run, and I could care less about my pace. It's been such a great de-stressor and head-clearer that the athletic component of it seems like a tenth-order concern.

Love reading your stuff and the way it makes me reflect on my own running!

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